Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize