suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
