the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
