The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
