Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
