my mouth tastes like poor choices
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My liver just had a heart attack.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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