Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
