the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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