well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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