We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
