Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
two words: eviction party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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