Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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