Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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