You work out of a Hotel?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
