When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
