So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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