It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
