It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
