Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
