I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
