He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
