i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
