He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
