I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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