the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
