Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dick very happy bro
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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