lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize