i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize