i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
