You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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