so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize