I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
