TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
