Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Congratulations! We have a period
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