Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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