with your own penis?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
