That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
