So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
