She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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