I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
