Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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