She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
