So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
