The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
MIDGETS
????
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
