ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
