Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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