Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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