I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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