I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
