If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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