this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
