His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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