omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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