Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
