A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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