Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am naked and annoyed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
