Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
