Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
