Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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