your parents love me but you hate me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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