Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
