No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
