you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
