I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wish there were birth control emojis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
